OK! okay, I know, it's been a bazillion years since I've posted any sort of blog entry. Why is that? Because yoga is really friggin' hard. It has gotten harder, somehow, with the passing of time. Whether it's from little injuries that come up, or because I expect faster progress than I get, or because I work two jobs as well and feel tired most of the time, or because I'm under/over hydrating, under/over eating, or getting too many or too little electrolytes (geez, I dunno) -- whatever it is class is HARD. So hard it's a struggle to go. Oh I've been going (yes, so I do have two 4 day weeks that I have to make up for in the next, what, 10 days -- meaning either no days off of two days of doubles), but it has been such a challenge (funny that) that the thought of thinking about yoga or doing any more yoga related work has been met with such resistance that I haven't even opened my laptop for ANYTHING. (This is perhaps exacerbated by the fact that my laptop has both physical and mental disabilities and requires its own ritual yoga to get working every time I turn it on [wiggle the adapter, press this button, then this button, change the date and time, close this program and that program and click that option, 20 second savasana and then good to go but don't you dare move that cable!]-- which is every time I use it)
Today, after a full day off work, and a full day of putting off yoga (I even got my bicycle back in working order so I can ride to work downtown tomorrow at 5am! yuck!) and feeling warm, bloating menstrual cramps (it seems I only blog on my period...hmm) I went to Jacob's 7:45pm class in kits. I love having Jacob and today after a few weeks of not one single good/easier class, even though the class was really humid and I had cramps,I had a good class that didn't just beat me into a pulp.
So I thought I could write. But I had to trick myself into it by talking about something that I think about every time I am in the studio and every time I do yoga.
(Also)
Last week while having my Friday cinnamon bun and coffee at Sollys (loosing weight schmoosing weight), I read an article in the free transit paper where the contributing writer had recently gone on a plane trip and then decided to write an article about basic plane etiquette in 10 points. I laughed while reading it because it actually made me say out loud "this girl needs more yoga" -- one of them being "we both know your knee is touching my knee so don't pretend you don't know, just move your knee". Um
(Also)
I often think about etiquette. I work at a fancy private club, where every place setting gets 3 forks and etc., and think sometimes that etiquette like that is neat -- but also I often think it's stuffy rules-for-rules-sake, to be exclusive rather than considerate. My mom bought me an Emily Post's Everyday Etiquette book once for Christmas - that's neither here nor there.
Here's what I think the 10 *considerate* rules of Bikram Yoga etiquette should be. FEel free to agree or disagree as you see fit.
1. a) If you are marching into the yoga room before class after the first stream of people have exited, yield to the other people coming out of the class. Remember the way you felt after your worst class, and then imagine trying to do anything but slowly amble your way back to the change room, never mind dodging, waiting, or holding heavy doors open for people who still have all their faculties intact.
b) If you are coming out of the hot room after a class, forgive the people on their way in. They haven't had 90-minutes on themselves to focus and regain their peace, and their minds are all over the place.
2. a) When you put down your towel keep a few things in mind: Can the person/people behind you still see themselves? How much space has the person next to you given themselves between the person he/she is next to (probably a decent gauge of their personal space needs)? A trick I've learned is to find a really sweaty person in Savasana, put your mat right behind him/her-- because that person is going to get up and leave you his/her place in the mirror (rather than you standing at someone's feet pouring your space-coveting energy into his/her final savasana). Also, when you need to trespass into someone's mirror spot/personal space, it is always easier to just ask if it's cool -- people are pretty friendly and understanding if you give them the gratitude of asking their permission.
b) If someone gets into your space in the mirror or goes closer to you than you would like on the floor forgive them (in your head), then let it go, and remember that this too is part of the peace you are seeking in
yoga.
3. a) Don't walk over people in savasana on your way into/out of the room. It's distracting for people trying to take their last savasana and it's definitely noticeable.
b) If someone walks over you/drips sweat on you while you're on your mat, let it go. You're in savasana anyway, and letting distractions fall away is your job. Plus a drop of someone else's sweat will not hurt you. Really. It might give you the heebies, but it won't HURT
4. a) I know you like your friend/partner/neighbour/stranger. But talk to each other outside of the yoga room. This means you.
b) If people are talking in the yoga room, let it go. This is part of the peace you are seeking in yoga. Your meditation is stronger than that.
5. a) Don't begrudge other people their flexibility/strength/balance/locked knees. You are a beautiful strong yogi just for trying again and again.
b) Remember you are here to kill yourSELF (ie. your EGO) you're not here to kill your BODY (you're here to learn to love it and love your spirit)
6. a) Don't loudly/violently/apparently give up and take a drink (especially in the balancing parts), this is not only hard on everyone else's concentration, but also really hard on their will and determination. [I had a gal next to me --way closer than I could handle -- once sit down in the middle of toe stand, and proceed to noisily open her metal water bottle and drink/bathe herself]
b) If the people around you fall out/give up/do weird or distracting things use that opportunity to strengthen your concentration on yourself. Then LET IT GO. This is part of the peace you are seeking in yoga.
7. a) Don't fight with the teacher. It usually means the rest of us have to stay in the posture longer and will begrudge you.
b)Teacher's don't know everything that's going on with you. Listen to them, and do what you can. Know that you are doing your best when you are doing your best. Leave the rest alone.
8. Don't wear perfume, cologne, smoke cigarettes or apply fragrance of whatever kind to your person if you're going to yoga. Once I had on lotion and not only did it make some postures downright impossible (wind-removing!) but I felt like a total jerk the second I realized I could smell it as soon as I started sweating. Sorry everyone!
9. (I don't know how the men's changerooms are but...)
a) When you are taking a shower. Really, people are usually waiting. Do you need to use 3 stages of deep conditioning and body wash and whatever else takes the hundred years you spend in the showers? Couldn't you save that stuff for home and just do a quick rinse/wash at yoga? It's just sweat, and if you're coming lost, it's probably not all that dirty anymore anyway.
b)When you're getting changed, recognize you might be right in front of someone's stuff and they are waiting on you to get changed, too.
10. This practice is your own. It is also everyone else's. Consider what you need and extend that to others. Forgive the things that piss you off when others seem inconsiderate. Smile at each other. Share the struggle. Make friends."Namaste" is about acknowledging the divinity in everyone. Including yourself.
That's it.
Namaste
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Blog Away
I just blogged at last and it "error"ed and deleted everything
wild reorganization, peace and change are happening
I'm just on intermission before the final act (of this, the prologue)
Stay tuned
wild reorganization, peace and change are happening
I'm just on intermission before the final act (of this, the prologue)
Stay tuned
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Double Day!
Last Friday ended with some pretty heavy duty menstrual cramps starting during spine strengthening.
My actual period didn't start for another two days, but then by Monday's class I had to keep my arms out and to my sides in half-locust because my cramps were bad, and this whole weak has been very gentle in full bow. I just grab my feet and push my stomach into the floor until I feel it pounding.
Danny killed me on Tuesday, where I swear every posture lasted an extra ten seconds which was then subtracted from any "resting" that might have happened between postures. So everything was deep, way back, locked, forehead touching, arms pulling, stomach in, reach reach reach!
I didn't do class on Wednesday, I was still dead from Tuesday. I could have done 9:15 but had just gotten a free bed on Craigslist the day before and had my first sleep, off the floor in a Queen mattress stacked on another mattress. (Kurt, your kids can have their little single mattress back!) Something about having that new bed seemed to just suck every ounce out of me, as though I had been tired for months and finally slept for the first time.
Then I worked at my dance company job, and taught a mask workshop for some performers doing EURYDICE, and then I babysat for a friend's kids and didn't get home til 1am.
Today I got up at 8:30 and did my 9:15 class, even though I felt like I had no juice. I guess it turns out that I didn't because I vomited after class (maybe it has something to do with sugar levels when I'm on my period), and had to nap.
Since I didn't go yesterday though, I did another class after I got home from work at 7:45.
My first Double!
And, they (whoever "they" may be) were right!
It wasn't as impossible as I thought. I was extra vigilant not to hurt anything, because my achilles is still bugging me and my left side neck/shoulder has a kind of kink in it, and class was very calm, gentle and controlled. I did almost everything twice, and after the class was really proud of myself. Then I drank a lot of fluids, coconut water, juice, gatorade, and water and now I'm home getting ready for bed in the hopes to make the 6am class tomorrow so that I can go visit my sweetheart for a few days before I work again on Sunday.
Another little milestones. Doubles. More to come in May!
My actual period didn't start for another two days, but then by Monday's class I had to keep my arms out and to my sides in half-locust because my cramps were bad, and this whole weak has been very gentle in full bow. I just grab my feet and push my stomach into the floor until I feel it pounding.
Danny killed me on Tuesday, where I swear every posture lasted an extra ten seconds which was then subtracted from any "resting" that might have happened between postures. So everything was deep, way back, locked, forehead touching, arms pulling, stomach in, reach reach reach!
I didn't do class on Wednesday, I was still dead from Tuesday. I could have done 9:15 but had just gotten a free bed on Craigslist the day before and had my first sleep, off the floor in a Queen mattress stacked on another mattress. (Kurt, your kids can have their little single mattress back!) Something about having that new bed seemed to just suck every ounce out of me, as though I had been tired for months and finally slept for the first time.
Then I worked at my dance company job, and taught a mask workshop for some performers doing EURYDICE, and then I babysat for a friend's kids and didn't get home til 1am.
Today I got up at 8:30 and did my 9:15 class, even though I felt like I had no juice. I guess it turns out that I didn't because I vomited after class (maybe it has something to do with sugar levels when I'm on my period), and had to nap.
Since I didn't go yesterday though, I did another class after I got home from work at 7:45.
My first Double!
And, they (whoever "they" may be) were right!
It wasn't as impossible as I thought. I was extra vigilant not to hurt anything, because my achilles is still bugging me and my left side neck/shoulder has a kind of kink in it, and class was very calm, gentle and controlled. I did almost everything twice, and after the class was really proud of myself. Then I drank a lot of fluids, coconut water, juice, gatorade, and water and now I'm home getting ready for bed in the hopes to make the 6am class tomorrow so that I can go visit my sweetheart for a few days before I work again on Sunday.
Another little milestones. Doubles. More to come in May!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Half Way
This week has been a gift to myself,
Sometime either at the tail end of last week or at the beginning of this something changed in my head.
I was tired of dreading going to yoga, of feeling injured, of hating the heat, of the crowded thoughts in my brain, of feeling cold the rest of the day because my hair stays wet, and all of it. But basically just tired of it being a chore to go to yoga. Even though I know it's good for me, it has been a fight.
This week, I decided I had to change something in order to enjoy what I was doing, or improvement, peace, and change was never going to come. I knew that if it is something I am looking forward to avoiding, then after these 90 days there is no chance of keeping up any sort of regular practice. I don't do things that I hate regularly, unless I really, REALLY have to.
I don't know how it came to me -- how to change that feeling. It wasn't a "go easy on yourself" per se.
It was about staying with the breath and making that the most important focus of my practice. Breathing in, and breathing out.
You know how they say never sacrifice form for depth?
Well, I have been sacrificing breathing form for depth, and that has made my mind a hot, frenetic, and frustrated place during yoga. There is no stillness in a posture if you are pushing only your body without calming your mind.
I picked up Bikram's newer book to see what he had to say, to get some more motivation and just some direct instruction to hopefully unlock some of the postures (Awkward II is perhaps my weakest...some days I can get up on my toes and other days even that is a challenge).
The book has been a good reminder, but what I found that was more important were the sections before and after the description, keys, and benefits to the 26 postures and two breathing exercises.
What interested me (which I had almost forgotten has always interested me in yoga), were the parts about unifying the body and mind, "killing yourself" -- meaning your ego, and preparing your strong, flexible beautiful body and calm, open mind to be ready for your true Self, your spirit, and your connection to the energy of the universe to enter and reveal itself.
Bikram's Yoga, maybe by nature of the class structure, has never seemed like a meditation. I have held a pre-conceived idea that Bikram is for a-type extremists. The people who love it are the people who like punishing their bodies with too much exercise, or swearing at themselves in their heads if they don't do something right.
It's hard, in that heat, not to have heated thoughts, but that is part of the yoga. As important (more!) than if my body gets all the way back in Camel today, is keeping my mind present, my breathing normal, and my thoughts on my current actions.
I am starting to notice the changes taking place in my body more this week. But I am happier about the changes that are starting to take place in my soul. This might be the most important journey to take -- cleaning house and preparing my holy temple.
Sometime either at the tail end of last week or at the beginning of this something changed in my head.
I was tired of dreading going to yoga, of feeling injured, of hating the heat, of the crowded thoughts in my brain, of feeling cold the rest of the day because my hair stays wet, and all of it. But basically just tired of it being a chore to go to yoga. Even though I know it's good for me, it has been a fight.
This week, I decided I had to change something in order to enjoy what I was doing, or improvement, peace, and change was never going to come. I knew that if it is something I am looking forward to avoiding, then after these 90 days there is no chance of keeping up any sort of regular practice. I don't do things that I hate regularly, unless I really, REALLY have to.
I don't know how it came to me -- how to change that feeling. It wasn't a "go easy on yourself" per se.
It was about staying with the breath and making that the most important focus of my practice. Breathing in, and breathing out.
You know how they say never sacrifice form for depth?
Well, I have been sacrificing breathing form for depth, and that has made my mind a hot, frenetic, and frustrated place during yoga. There is no stillness in a posture if you are pushing only your body without calming your mind.
I picked up Bikram's newer book to see what he had to say, to get some more motivation and just some direct instruction to hopefully unlock some of the postures (Awkward II is perhaps my weakest...some days I can get up on my toes and other days even that is a challenge).
The book has been a good reminder, but what I found that was more important were the sections before and after the description, keys, and benefits to the 26 postures and two breathing exercises.
What interested me (which I had almost forgotten has always interested me in yoga), were the parts about unifying the body and mind, "killing yourself" -- meaning your ego, and preparing your strong, flexible beautiful body and calm, open mind to be ready for your true Self, your spirit, and your connection to the energy of the universe to enter and reveal itself.
Bikram's Yoga, maybe by nature of the class structure, has never seemed like a meditation. I have held a pre-conceived idea that Bikram is for a-type extremists. The people who love it are the people who like punishing their bodies with too much exercise, or swearing at themselves in their heads if they don't do something right.
It's hard, in that heat, not to have heated thoughts, but that is part of the yoga. As important (more!) than if my body gets all the way back in Camel today, is keeping my mind present, my breathing normal, and my thoughts on my current actions.
I am starting to notice the changes taking place in my body more this week. But I am happier about the changes that are starting to take place in my soul. This might be the most important journey to take -- cleaning house and preparing my holy temple.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Tight Skin!
So, this achilles thing is really a bother. It has gripped most of my left leg and even though I have taken it as easy as I can on my left leg, I noticed last night that the skin on my inner and outer thigh stings. Like it's burnt almost. Turns out, the muscles underneath are just so tight that it's making the skin tender. Argh.
This week hasn't been bad -- I saw Julie R. a few times and we even practiced next to each other once which was nice support. I had Cedric a few times, and I seem to find a good zen in his class. I really like when our 2 minute Savasana's are silent. Tierney ushered me into a beautiful 6am class that I really wasn't feeling -- I managed to make it through though!
Between you and me, I have a secret. I am totally over the heat. It's not the postures now that are chasing me out of the room, it's the heat. It's annoying, and sometimes overwhelming, but definitely draining. I always dream of the cold shower I'm going to have in the last few Savasanas, but by the time I've stood in line and get into the shower, my body is nowhere near as hot.
Also, I love the coconut water, but I've been finding that if it's not really cold, I kind of just feel like I'm drinking a can of sweat. Gross analogy, but there you have it. And really, I guess that's the idea.
I sound like a downer, but some positive things are going on. I have held two (2) ! standing bows from start to finish. Mind you they were second sets so only 30 seconds, I'm starting to feel some strength in my back during the spine strengthening series, and triangle isn't nearly such a pain as I start to unlock the alignment.
I haven't had the internet since I moved last week, so my blogging has taken a backseat. Also, I got another job so now I have two little part time gigs which both seem to take up the middle section of my day -- which is the best time for me and yoga.
This week hasn't been bad -- I saw Julie R. a few times and we even practiced next to each other once which was nice support. I had Cedric a few times, and I seem to find a good zen in his class. I really like when our 2 minute Savasana's are silent. Tierney ushered me into a beautiful 6am class that I really wasn't feeling -- I managed to make it through though!
Between you and me, I have a secret. I am totally over the heat. It's not the postures now that are chasing me out of the room, it's the heat. It's annoying, and sometimes overwhelming, but definitely draining. I always dream of the cold shower I'm going to have in the last few Savasanas, but by the time I've stood in line and get into the shower, my body is nowhere near as hot.
Also, I love the coconut water, but I've been finding that if it's not really cold, I kind of just feel like I'm drinking a can of sweat. Gross analogy, but there you have it. And really, I guess that's the idea.
I sound like a downer, but some positive things are going on. I have held two (2) ! standing bows from start to finish. Mind you they were second sets so only 30 seconds, I'm starting to feel some strength in my back during the spine strengthening series, and triangle isn't nearly such a pain as I start to unlock the alignment.
I haven't had the internet since I moved last week, so my blogging has taken a backseat. Also, I got another job so now I have two little part time gigs which both seem to take up the middle section of my day -- which is the best time for me and yoga.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Start of Month Two
Last week was awful. Really brutal for a while. I was working, and had another job interview (I got it), so nw I have two part time jobs and yoga. I was pleading the universe for some kind second mortgage, a refilling of my Prana -- I took a few baths at the suggestion of my tantric healer, and still I was just drained.
The beauty of Thursday's class was looking out the skylight during Savasana, watching the clouds go by.
Still the work was hard, and I had to sit out a lot with just no energy to move.
Then Friday, AT LAST, something switched in my head. I drove to yoga with a car full of ...well, everything. I was moving on Friday, April 1st, from my little basement suite on Main and 23rd, to a big sunny place on MacDonald and 10th, literally 2 and a half blocks from Bikram Kitsilano. I was listening to the radio on the way, and just as I rounded the corner from King Edward onto MacDonald, the Peak (100.5 fm) started to play a new song by the Black Keys. I have long been a music lover, and for the past few years my music collections, have been left in moves, dwindled, and simply not been replenished with access to new music.
The Black Keys song (I have yet to look up the title) was excellent, and just what I needed to hear.
It reminded me of working out to music and then I kind of laughed to myself that what Bikram's is missing is a really kick ass sountrack. After some musing I came to the conclusion that there IS a soundtrack to Bikram's and I just had to start hearing the rhythm of it, and the music, rather than the labour. Something about this whole situation gave me joy and I decided that I would have a great class -- that I wouldn't go in dreading it because I would be kind to what my body wanted, and what my energy could do.
Apparently that was the ticket because I had a fabulous class. I stayed with my breath the whole time, and even though it was still a workout, I worked on my relaxation, my zen, and my peaceful smiling face without forcing my body into pain, panic, or negative thoughts.
Between my desire for music, and my new teacher (I'd never had him before and I don't know his name yet, as the Schedule said Gabe was taking the class, but this was not Gabe), I was able to hear the monologue as the chanting it may well have been in the land it came from, and it became music. Not rock and roll, but music none the less.
Yes, I may have worked too hard on Locking The Knee at all times (I am really trying to focus on my strong lampposts!), as some little muscles feel sproinged from my fourth toe (ring toe?) all the way up into my butt.
Since 30 days is up I have taken my blood pressure and need to find a scale to weigh myself, my blood pressure has already dropped, which is crazy since I had low blood pressure anyway, but more impressive is my resting heart rate. Normally anywhere from 66-72, my pulse was at 54. Woah.
So it's Monday, and here's hoping I can keep up this streak, at least for a while, until my body craves more of a push.
The beauty of Thursday's class was looking out the skylight during Savasana, watching the clouds go by.
Still the work was hard, and I had to sit out a lot with just no energy to move.
Then Friday, AT LAST, something switched in my head. I drove to yoga with a car full of ...well, everything. I was moving on Friday, April 1st, from my little basement suite on Main and 23rd, to a big sunny place on MacDonald and 10th, literally 2 and a half blocks from Bikram Kitsilano. I was listening to the radio on the way, and just as I rounded the corner from King Edward onto MacDonald, the Peak (100.5 fm) started to play a new song by the Black Keys. I have long been a music lover, and for the past few years my music collections, have been left in moves, dwindled, and simply not been replenished with access to new music.
The Black Keys song (I have yet to look up the title) was excellent, and just what I needed to hear.
It reminded me of working out to music and then I kind of laughed to myself that what Bikram's is missing is a really kick ass sountrack. After some musing I came to the conclusion that there IS a soundtrack to Bikram's and I just had to start hearing the rhythm of it, and the music, rather than the labour. Something about this whole situation gave me joy and I decided that I would have a great class -- that I wouldn't go in dreading it because I would be kind to what my body wanted, and what my energy could do.
Apparently that was the ticket because I had a fabulous class. I stayed with my breath the whole time, and even though it was still a workout, I worked on my relaxation, my zen, and my peaceful smiling face without forcing my body into pain, panic, or negative thoughts.
Between my desire for music, and my new teacher (I'd never had him before and I don't know his name yet, as the Schedule said Gabe was taking the class, but this was not Gabe), I was able to hear the monologue as the chanting it may well have been in the land it came from, and it became music. Not rock and roll, but music none the less.
Yes, I may have worked too hard on Locking The Knee at all times (I am really trying to focus on my strong lampposts!), as some little muscles feel sproinged from my fourth toe (ring toe?) all the way up into my butt.
Since 30 days is up I have taken my blood pressure and need to find a scale to weigh myself, my blood pressure has already dropped, which is crazy since I had low blood pressure anyway, but more impressive is my resting heart rate. Normally anywhere from 66-72, my pulse was at 54. Woah.
So it's Monday, and here's hoping I can keep up this streak, at least for a while, until my body craves more of a push.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Start from scratch...
I am back in Vancouver at the Kitsilano studio again and did the 7:45 last night with Jacob. He was great and his voice and deliberate instruction may have been the key to keeping me in the room. Since last week I am feeling totally drained and under the weather. My throat is sore with a permanent tickle, the occasional cough, sneezes here and there and just general weakness with no energy. Bengal tiger has left the building.
My sweetheart told me to be kind to myself -- just go in and commit to the two breathing exercises which I knew was impossible, to ONLY do that, but which got me into a room I otherwise wanted to avoid like the plague.
I killed it until the watt break and then hit a wall-- hard. I had to sit out a lot and I just cried straight through spine strengthening. I was tired, nothing felt good. Mommy waaaah!
Today, I had to do the 6am since I was scheduled to work at 11. I guess I was nicer to myself, I did even less but still, by the end there were times when I didn't even want to be in my skin and felt like shaking violently until I was no longer trapped inside would be the most satisfying. I made it through, didn't shower after for the first time ever, called in sick and slept for the next 5 hours. My body still aches, my skin feels electric in a sunburn sort of way, but I would have been so miserable trying to serve and bus dishes, move tables and be pleasant.
Today concluded day 30-- 1/3 through my challenge. I was hoping for a strong motivating and beautiful practice today, instead i am reminded why this is w journey. And an experiment. Ha.
My sweetheart told me to be kind to myself -- just go in and commit to the two breathing exercises which I knew was impossible, to ONLY do that, but which got me into a room I otherwise wanted to avoid like the plague.
I killed it until the watt break and then hit a wall-- hard. I had to sit out a lot and I just cried straight through spine strengthening. I was tired, nothing felt good. Mommy waaaah!
Today, I had to do the 6am since I was scheduled to work at 11. I guess I was nicer to myself, I did even less but still, by the end there were times when I didn't even want to be in my skin and felt like shaking violently until I was no longer trapped inside would be the most satisfying. I made it through, didn't shower after for the first time ever, called in sick and slept for the next 5 hours. My body still aches, my skin feels electric in a sunburn sort of way, but I would have been so miserable trying to serve and bus dishes, move tables and be pleasant.
Today concluded day 30-- 1/3 through my challenge. I was hoping for a strong motivating and beautiful practice today, instead i am reminded why this is w journey. And an experiment. Ha.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday Cry Day take two
So Friday's class was a 6am, and turned out I just felt wiped. By half-tortoise Stephen just told me to take Savasana and as soon as I did I cried. I cried all the way through the second set, through the savasana and through the next two sets of Camel before finally getting up for Rabbit, which I didn't really feel like doing, but did. It turned out it's half-locust, with my arms pressing up against my stomach, that was instigating the unpleasant puke feeling, and I narrowly avoided it on Friday.
Ever since then I have felt weak, exhausted and like my energies are congested -- I feel like I'm fighting something hard and don't have the energy to do anything. I want to sleep all day, and my appetite is pretty particular -- at least about what I do NOT want to eat.
Tomorrow starts another week, and back in Van, plus a good 25 hours of work at my banquet serving job. I hope by tomorrow I am feeling back to bengal tiger, cause right now I just want to cuddle with something warm and soft.
Ever since then I have felt weak, exhausted and like my energies are congested -- I feel like I'm fighting something hard and don't have the energy to do anything. I want to sleep all day, and my appetite is pretty particular -- at least about what I do NOT want to eat.
Tomorrow starts another week, and back in Van, plus a good 25 hours of work at my banquet serving job. I hope by tomorrow I am feeling back to bengal tiger, cause right now I just want to cuddle with something warm and soft.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
6 am!
So,
I have been feeling scared of yoga all week and today I finally managed to prep myself with enough sleep and water (and electrolytes...kinda) to brave the 6am class. Mainly cause I MUST do 6am tomorrow so I was trying to switch the cycle around to be ready for it + the long drive back to Vancouver after teaching.
6am classes are wonderful because Stephen (Webb -- who owns...co-owns?) the Kamloops studio teaches them. His teaching is wonderful, and his vibe always tricks you into trying your hardest in the right ways.
Today I was even luckier, because the class was teeny tiny (so teeny that I thought at 5:59 that the class must start at 6:15 -- I had never been in such a small 6am, there are usually at least 15-20 students from the classes I have taken and today there were only four of us!), which meant less corrections in generally -- hanging out in precarious postures -- but more corrections specifically (where else can he look?!)
However... AFTER class, I had about two cups of water and again felt sick immediately and threw up. Just water. This time I hadn't eaten first. It's still not very nice, and might be part of the vulnerable/scared parcel of doing this much yoga. Stephen suggested it was from the compression of my organs and just bad stuff that didn't need to be inside me anymore. I got an adjustment from my dad right after cause I felt a bit of a headache and a little dizzy-ish, and he said -- more electrolytes -- like when you're dehydrated your body can't process the water without first replenishing electrolytes. Good thing Stephen had some coconut water to sell me.
Another really neat thing was one of the other ladies in the class today approached me afterwards and said: Were you doing energy medicine? (cause I always do my five minute routine in the hot room before taking savasana until class starts) I said "yes" and that I noticed her doing some before class too. Turns out she has taken the first course by the woman who wrote my energy medicine book and she's about to take another training course in May. It was neat to speak with someone else who was into energy medicine -- she's been doing it for about a year now, and I got her email address so we can stay in touch.
Tomorrow 6am. I hope there's no puking.
I have been feeling scared of yoga all week and today I finally managed to prep myself with enough sleep and water (and electrolytes...kinda) to brave the 6am class. Mainly cause I MUST do 6am tomorrow so I was trying to switch the cycle around to be ready for it + the long drive back to Vancouver after teaching.
6am classes are wonderful because Stephen (Webb -- who owns...co-owns?) the Kamloops studio teaches them. His teaching is wonderful, and his vibe always tricks you into trying your hardest in the right ways.
Today I was even luckier, because the class was teeny tiny (so teeny that I thought at 5:59 that the class must start at 6:15 -- I had never been in such a small 6am, there are usually at least 15-20 students from the classes I have taken and today there were only four of us!), which meant less corrections in generally -- hanging out in precarious postures -- but more corrections specifically (where else can he look?!)
However... AFTER class, I had about two cups of water and again felt sick immediately and threw up. Just water. This time I hadn't eaten first. It's still not very nice, and might be part of the vulnerable/scared parcel of doing this much yoga. Stephen suggested it was from the compression of my organs and just bad stuff that didn't need to be inside me anymore. I got an adjustment from my dad right after cause I felt a bit of a headache and a little dizzy-ish, and he said -- more electrolytes -- like when you're dehydrated your body can't process the water without first replenishing electrolytes. Good thing Stephen had some coconut water to sell me.
Another really neat thing was one of the other ladies in the class today approached me afterwards and said: Were you doing energy medicine? (cause I always do my five minute routine in the hot room before taking savasana until class starts) I said "yes" and that I noticed her doing some before class too. Turns out she has taken the first course by the woman who wrote my energy medicine book and she's about to take another training course in May. It was neat to speak with someone else who was into energy medicine -- she's been doing it for about a year now, and I got her email address so we can stay in touch.
Tomorrow 6am. I hope there's no puking.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
One day at a time...
Last I wrote, it was Sunday and I had the worst class (ever?), what with the throwing up after class and just generally feeling destroyed.
Monday I was going to do 6am to start my week of 6ams.
But I couldn't sleep.
I was starting a class the next day with an unknown group of teenage students, the house I am staying in was cold, and I just felt scared.
When my alarm woke me up (I'd already been up pretty much every hour), I felt such a fear and panic that looking back it was almost silly. It was as though the yoga room had my number and that number spelled doom.
What was I afraid of?
I guess I was afraid of busting my ass that hard, feeling sick and nauseated, and having to go through the day exhausted with no escape. There was more though, somewhere deep in my stomach -- like Yoga would find out about every fear, bad thought, or pain I had experienced in my life up to this point and make me simultaneously relive it all for 90 minutes (or more!)
I did not go to the 6am class. I slept an extra 2 hours --as late as I could, and then taught my course.
At 4 o'clock I was still dreading the yoga room. I even thought to myself '' Maybe I should take today off and do Saturday, but I caught my little sneaky brain in action and insisted that I go simply because I needed to face whatever was chasing me out of the room, AND because if I go Monday-Friday it takes the stress out of decision making.
So I went.
At the studio there was the teacher I had had the day before (who somehow manages to work me into the ground every time as my connection with my body shuts off and my response to his voice just talks straight to my body), and there was Walter.
Walter has always been my favourite Bikram instructor. I'd say he's somewhere in his fifties, originally Swiss with a decently thick accent still, but a sense of humour and an ease about the whole thing that makes you remember to smile (and even sometimes laugh) in the room, and at yourself (and sometimes at him). I got changed not knowing who it would be teaching but counting on the universe to pull me through and reward me with a Walter class -- I actually found him on Facebook and asked when he would be teaching so that I would be sure to get his class. I thought, from his response, that I had missed his last teaching class before he leaves for Malta (tomorrow) to take Bikram's advanced course.
Well, it turns out I did right by the universe by going to yoga.
Walter taught the class and I had maybe my best class yet. I felt great, and was so thankful for the reward of not having a repeat of the previous day.
Today's class was also 5pm (I must do 6am at least on Friday!), and it started off well but by the spine strengthening series all my bengal tiger was totally gone, and although I carried myself on my breath throughout, by the end I felt like a weak little kitten.
Every day is a new day with this stuff. Your expectations of the class you're going to have don't necessarily affect your class, only they affect your attitude towards the work you're doing, and yourself.
Tomorrow's another step in the journey...
Monday I was going to do 6am to start my week of 6ams.
But I couldn't sleep.
I was starting a class the next day with an unknown group of teenage students, the house I am staying in was cold, and I just felt scared.
When my alarm woke me up (I'd already been up pretty much every hour), I felt such a fear and panic that looking back it was almost silly. It was as though the yoga room had my number and that number spelled doom.
What was I afraid of?
I guess I was afraid of busting my ass that hard, feeling sick and nauseated, and having to go through the day exhausted with no escape. There was more though, somewhere deep in my stomach -- like Yoga would find out about every fear, bad thought, or pain I had experienced in my life up to this point and make me simultaneously relive it all for 90 minutes (or more!)
I did not go to the 6am class. I slept an extra 2 hours --as late as I could, and then taught my course.
At 4 o'clock I was still dreading the yoga room. I even thought to myself '' Maybe I should take today off and do Saturday, but I caught my little sneaky brain in action and insisted that I go simply because I needed to face whatever was chasing me out of the room, AND because if I go Monday-Friday it takes the stress out of decision making.
So I went.
At the studio there was the teacher I had had the day before (who somehow manages to work me into the ground every time as my connection with my body shuts off and my response to his voice just talks straight to my body), and there was Walter.
Walter has always been my favourite Bikram instructor. I'd say he's somewhere in his fifties, originally Swiss with a decently thick accent still, but a sense of humour and an ease about the whole thing that makes you remember to smile (and even sometimes laugh) in the room, and at yourself (and sometimes at him). I got changed not knowing who it would be teaching but counting on the universe to pull me through and reward me with a Walter class -- I actually found him on Facebook and asked when he would be teaching so that I would be sure to get his class. I thought, from his response, that I had missed his last teaching class before he leaves for Malta (tomorrow) to take Bikram's advanced course.
Well, it turns out I did right by the universe by going to yoga.
Walter taught the class and I had maybe my best class yet. I felt great, and was so thankful for the reward of not having a repeat of the previous day.
Today's class was also 5pm (I must do 6am at least on Friday!), and it started off well but by the spine strengthening series all my bengal tiger was totally gone, and although I carried myself on my breath throughout, by the end I felt like a weak little kitten.
Every day is a new day with this stuff. Your expectations of the class you're going to have don't necessarily affect your class, only they affect your attitude towards the work you're doing, and yourself.
Tomorrow's another step in the journey...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Lessons to learn...
Today I did something that I have never done in yoga before. Ever!
I finished the class and promptly threw up.
Yes, that's right, I hurled.
There are many contributing factors to this upsetting (ahem) event, and all of them shall be lessons well learned from here on in.
#1- If you miss Friday's AND Saturday's class don't forget to hydrate both those days with more than just a piddly litre of water
#2- In a similar vein, if you spend the entirety of Saturday in a car driving from the west coast to Kamloops, and eating more salt (read: junk food) than you have in a few weeks, don't only drink half of your one litre bottle (which you share with your sweetheart)
#3- Even though it's the only morning you have with your friends, for whom you are house/cat sitting while they are gone for the week to Disneyland, eating a breakfast (no matter how small), that is a)not liquid and b) almost entirely starch one hour prior to class is a no-no (usually it's a cup of vega in unsweetened almond milk 1.5-2hours before)
#4- Try to avoid doing yoga on the first day of your period, since you feel drained anyway
#5- Even though the class totally kicks your ass and you feel dehydrated, hot, and angry at the end, resist the temptation to chug 1.5 litres into your little belly IMMEDIATELY following class
Well. That was fun.
This week I have been practicing all over the place. This coming week I am doing yoga at the Bikram studio in Kamloops as I am teaching a theatre course for Western Canada Theatre over Spring Break. It'll be all 6ams and then a full day of teenagers, an evening of friends, and a night of cuddling the sweetest little Nermall-looking kitten I have ever seen.
The sun here is beautiful which is invigorating, but my wet hair is making me cold and I could use a nap something fierce...ideally in the sun.
More about the yoga through the week. Now -- napping, massaging my troublesome achilles, and icing!
I finished the class and promptly threw up.
Yes, that's right, I hurled.
There are many contributing factors to this upsetting (ahem) event, and all of them shall be lessons well learned from here on in.
#1- If you miss Friday's AND Saturday's class don't forget to hydrate both those days with more than just a piddly litre of water
#2- In a similar vein, if you spend the entirety of Saturday in a car driving from the west coast to Kamloops, and eating more salt (read: junk food) than you have in a few weeks, don't only drink half of your one litre bottle (which you share with your sweetheart)
#3- Even though it's the only morning you have with your friends, for whom you are house/cat sitting while they are gone for the week to Disneyland, eating a breakfast (no matter how small), that is a)not liquid and b) almost entirely starch one hour prior to class is a no-no (usually it's a cup of vega in unsweetened almond milk 1.5-2hours before)
#4- Try to avoid doing yoga on the first day of your period, since you feel drained anyway
#5- Even though the class totally kicks your ass and you feel dehydrated, hot, and angry at the end, resist the temptation to chug 1.5 litres into your little belly IMMEDIATELY following class
Well. That was fun.
This week I have been practicing all over the place. This coming week I am doing yoga at the Bikram studio in Kamloops as I am teaching a theatre course for Western Canada Theatre over Spring Break. It'll be all 6ams and then a full day of teenagers, an evening of friends, and a night of cuddling the sweetest little Nermall-looking kitten I have ever seen.
The sun here is beautiful which is invigorating, but my wet hair is making me cold and I could use a nap something fierce...ideally in the sun.
More about the yoga through the week. Now -- napping, massaging my troublesome achilles, and icing!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Achilles Heel
Friday's class was awesome. Hard, but good -- and I love Gabe's instruction and general class vibe. It was a high note to end the week in the hot room, but I noticed the definitive start of a teeny tiny put sharp, zingy ouch pull on my left outer calf especially in hands to feet postures, or at the end of sit ups.
And then suddenly over the weekend it was as though my achilles tendon exploded!
It is tight and achy all the way up into my calf, the side of my thigh and into my hips and my bum where it attaches to my sacrum.
Blast!
It's funny how the body puts up a fight when you start trying to move it again.
I rested it all weekend
The start of this week I have been practicing at the brand-new (like mere months old) Bikram Sea to Sky studio which has yet another kind of flooring that's kind of like carpet but way more space aged and the smell of newly installed carpet and paint.
The room doesn't feel quite as hot and I can't tell yet if that's because I am hydrating and getting used to the heat, or because at 7-9 bodies a class (I told you it's brand new!) there just aren't as many people making heat waves for 1.5 of every 1.75 hours.
A gal named Jenna runs the studio, and her mom works behind the counter (and sneaks into class midway through Pranayama in order to get her own practice in -- way to go!). Jenna tells me she has one other teacher, and is looking for more -- she got her start at the Kits Bikram and speaks fondly of it. Also, she has a 3.5 year old daughter who is adorable and toddles around the studio (not the hot-room though!)
Other than my blasted left leg, which I have done my best to honour, while keeping the truest expression of the posture that I can, I have had a wonderful strong start to the week.
I think KNOWING that you WILL go to 5 classes a week come hell or high water takes some stress and anxiety about guilting yourself into going or feeling that guilt if you're not. Also, you can tune into your body better -- you have days and days to work those little millimetres, if I don't get it today I get to try again tomorrow already. It's surprisingly liberating, and makes yoga a lot more enjoyable when you don't have to destroy your whole self in an over-done kind of way because you're only coming once or twice a week.
The flexibility is coming and both my Bows (Beaus!) are starting to please me.
It has also been nice to be able to practice next to my sweetheart, who is the reason I got into Bikram's in the first place.
I have noticed, too, that keeping my breath slow, long, and deep is getting easier and easier, and that I am less red, less sweaty and far less desperate feeling at the end of class.
I think I am just now starting to get into "Gas Station" mode, where I feel mostly energized and only slightly exhausted at the end -- so much so that I considered doing a double tomorrow for the first time until my fellow convinced me not to until my left leg is feeling better.
Ice it is then!
And then suddenly over the weekend it was as though my achilles tendon exploded!
It is tight and achy all the way up into my calf, the side of my thigh and into my hips and my bum where it attaches to my sacrum.
Blast!
It's funny how the body puts up a fight when you start trying to move it again.
I rested it all weekend
The start of this week I have been practicing at the brand-new (like mere months old) Bikram Sea to Sky studio which has yet another kind of flooring that's kind of like carpet but way more space aged and the smell of newly installed carpet and paint.
The room doesn't feel quite as hot and I can't tell yet if that's because I am hydrating and getting used to the heat, or because at 7-9 bodies a class (I told you it's brand new!) there just aren't as many people making heat waves for 1.5 of every 1.75 hours.
A gal named Jenna runs the studio, and her mom works behind the counter (and sneaks into class midway through Pranayama in order to get her own practice in -- way to go!). Jenna tells me she has one other teacher, and is looking for more -- she got her start at the Kits Bikram and speaks fondly of it. Also, she has a 3.5 year old daughter who is adorable and toddles around the studio (not the hot-room though!)
Other than my blasted left leg, which I have done my best to honour, while keeping the truest expression of the posture that I can, I have had a wonderful strong start to the week.
I think KNOWING that you WILL go to 5 classes a week come hell or high water takes some stress and anxiety about guilting yourself into going or feeling that guilt if you're not. Also, you can tune into your body better -- you have days and days to work those little millimetres, if I don't get it today I get to try again tomorrow already. It's surprisingly liberating, and makes yoga a lot more enjoyable when you don't have to destroy your whole self in an over-done kind of way because you're only coming once or twice a week.
The flexibility is coming and both my Bows (Beaus!) are starting to please me.
It has also been nice to be able to practice next to my sweetheart, who is the reason I got into Bikram's in the first place.
I have noticed, too, that keeping my breath slow, long, and deep is getting easier and easier, and that I am less red, less sweaty and far less desperate feeling at the end of class.
I think I am just now starting to get into "Gas Station" mode, where I feel mostly energized and only slightly exhausted at the end -- so much so that I considered doing a double tomorrow for the first time until my fellow convinced me not to until my left leg is feeling better.
Ice it is then!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Some Reflections
Who knows if it was my mood, what i ate or didn't eat, the fact that I went to work and felt anxious, the aggressive drunken man who almost punched a lady on the bus on my way to yoga, or that I miss my sweetheart and am just tired from another week of yoga, but DAMN! the humidity/heat was a force to be reckoned with today.
It was painful to stay in the room! In the second part I had to imagine I was lying on the surf in Australia and a huge (but gentle) cooling wave would wash over me and drag all the heat and toxins away. I also tried to trick my body into feeling how you feel when you are super hot and get cold water splashed on you. That shock. That is how I survived, remembering better times.
Boy, I'll tell you, my inner monologue was a DOWNER! I tried to switch it up but that heat was oppressive. I do notice things starting to change in my body though and in honor of that, and because I have felt tired the past two days and like talking about the specifics of my practice might be boring I thought I'd try something else -- the things that come to me while practicing I wish I could blog from my head in the room to hear, that would be so much easier than trying to remember fleeting, but simultaneously all-consuming thoughts.
Am I the only one drenched by the end of the first set in prana yama?
If I let my head fall back it will break off, my arms do NOT want to touch that back wall or be anywhere near my head.
Happy smiling face ok, but it's hard to keep my eyes open against my shins when my legs have become aquaducts to deliver sweat straight into my awaiting eyeballs which are only looking into the brick wall of my leg anyway
Bonus of getting a pedicure before class, my legs twist like super lubed ropes from the moisturizer left on my legs, and luckily not too bad for grip in Standing Bow
The girl behind me brought a venti Starbucks tea into class. I thought that was hard core, she had glowy skin and zero fat, so I just assumed that must be the next level of hardcore -- hot tea in bikram
Am I accidentally spraying the woman next to me with sweat from my hair when I spin around?
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
I don't see you round that much.
Holy leg, ass, AND spine strengthening
Is anyone else getting coarse skin/callouses? on the top of the foot from the floor? Its almost scabbing, maybe it did scab and I am just in the hot room so much it has no time to harden so it just withers right off. This is what I mean...
I went to see Dr. Divi Chandna for the initial data for my experiment. After 7 classes, I have already lost 8 pounds, so my start weight is written a bit lower than it REALLY was at the start but -- woo hoo!
Also, at the encouragement (both verbal and financial) of my sweetheart, I bought my first "yoga gear", so that I feel good about how I am looking instead of feeling like I am on social assistance in my old underwear. It's cute and it dries super fast. More to come and by the end of the first month -- photos.
I also got a pedicure to match my new outfit (see toes above) which was a total splurge but I thought I spend a lot of time looking at my feet. I thought for hygiene reasons they give you the bottle nowadays but they didn't.
Maybe I don't feel quenched by the water I drink right after class because the filtered water is so cold...my stomach gets stomach freeze and is numb to it, but room temperature water might feel nicer. Sometimes I worry about brain freeze.
Tomorrow, last day of Yoga Week Two
And I thought I'd leave with this amazing gem, as I think it speaks a bit to this journey I'm on.
It was painful to stay in the room! In the second part I had to imagine I was lying on the surf in Australia and a huge (but gentle) cooling wave would wash over me and drag all the heat and toxins away. I also tried to trick my body into feeling how you feel when you are super hot and get cold water splashed on you. That shock. That is how I survived, remembering better times.
Boy, I'll tell you, my inner monologue was a DOWNER! I tried to switch it up but that heat was oppressive. I do notice things starting to change in my body though and in honor of that, and because I have felt tired the past two days and like talking about the specifics of my practice might be boring I thought I'd try something else -- the things that come to me while practicing I wish I could blog from my head in the room to hear, that would be so much easier than trying to remember fleeting, but simultaneously all-consuming thoughts.
Am I the only one drenched by the end of the first set in prana yama?
If I let my head fall back it will break off, my arms do NOT want to touch that back wall or be anywhere near my head.
Happy smiling face ok, but it's hard to keep my eyes open against my shins when my legs have become aquaducts to deliver sweat straight into my awaiting eyeballs which are only looking into the brick wall of my leg anyway
Bonus of getting a pedicure before class, my legs twist like super lubed ropes from the moisturizer left on my legs, and luckily not too bad for grip in Standing Bow
The girl behind me brought a venti Starbucks tea into class. I thought that was hard core, she had glowy skin and zero fat, so I just assumed that must be the next level of hardcore -- hot tea in bikram
Am I accidentally spraying the woman next to me with sweat from my hair when I spin around?
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
I don't see you round that much.
Holy leg, ass, AND spine strengthening
Is anyone else getting coarse skin/callouses? on the top of the foot from the floor? Its almost scabbing, maybe it did scab and I am just in the hot room so much it has no time to harden so it just withers right off. This is what I mean...
I went to see Dr. Divi Chandna for the initial data for my experiment. After 7 classes, I have already lost 8 pounds, so my start weight is written a bit lower than it REALLY was at the start but -- woo hoo!
Also, at the encouragement (both verbal and financial) of my sweetheart, I bought my first "yoga gear", so that I feel good about how I am looking instead of feeling like I am on social assistance in my old underwear. It's cute and it dries super fast. More to come and by the end of the first month -- photos.
I also got a pedicure to match my new outfit (see toes above) which was a total splurge but I thought I spend a lot of time looking at my feet. I thought for hygiene reasons they give you the bottle nowadays but they didn't.
Maybe I don't feel quenched by the water I drink right after class because the filtered water is so cold...my stomach gets stomach freeze and is numb to it, but room temperature water might feel nicer. Sometimes I worry about brain freeze.
Tomorrow, last day of Yoga Week Two
And I thought I'd leave with this amazing gem, as I think it speaks a bit to this journey I'm on.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Stay true, day two
Yesterday's and today's classes had something in common.
A consistent, slow and controlled breath.
I worked hard in both, I sweated
But I was nice to myself too, gave myself permission to be exact with form and relax into it as much as I could.
I must have hydrated well too, because I barely needed to drink water during class -- or at least nowhere near the same desperation, like someone dying of thirst.
Standing Bow felt amazing -- of course I fell over -- and I had a strong if exhausting Balancing Stick and Triangle.
I had a chiropractic adjustment just prior to biking to class, and that helped a lot with the pain that was in my shoulder and neck.
Right now it's my low back/upper glutes that are aching.
And even though I had the ability to lie down and nap, I have been unable to actually sleep, I just feel too awake, though my body is tired.
This week is intriguing, I can't wait to see how it unfolds --
Stay tuned,
a new yoga outfit by the end of this week and then no more old faded sports bra and ancient dance shorts!!
-- hopefully something that dries quickly cause i'm washing these things out in the sink every night and then hanging them to dry hoping they dry in time.
A consistent, slow and controlled breath.
I worked hard in both, I sweated
But I was nice to myself too, gave myself permission to be exact with form and relax into it as much as I could.
I must have hydrated well too, because I barely needed to drink water during class -- or at least nowhere near the same desperation, like someone dying of thirst.
Standing Bow felt amazing -- of course I fell over -- and I had a strong if exhausting Balancing Stick and Triangle.
I had a chiropractic adjustment just prior to biking to class, and that helped a lot with the pain that was in my shoulder and neck.
Right now it's my low back/upper glutes that are aching.
And even though I had the ability to lie down and nap, I have been unable to actually sleep, I just feel too awake, though my body is tired.
This week is intriguing, I can't wait to see how it unfolds --
Stay tuned,
a new yoga outfit by the end of this week and then no more old faded sports bra and ancient dance shorts!!
-- hopefully something that dries quickly cause i'm washing these things out in the sink every night and then hanging them to dry hoping they dry in time.
Dosage
I just got in from Danny's 9:30pm class,and had an amazing practice.
Who knows if it was the two days rest, the abundance of water and electrolytes over the weekend, or the hour and a half walk I took to get to yoga tonight -- I felt strong and grounded. Balanced. Bengal tiger.
In Prana Yama I decided to try and find a way to be nice to my neck and shoulder which is still bugging me, and keeping me up at night, and Danny took some extra time to explain the exercise to the two newbies right behind me, so I got started off with a great example and some wonderful focus. Was that the difference? I seemed connected to my breath all class -- like i could breathe through anything. Even both sets of balancing stick. Even both sets of Triangle!! I worked hard but never felt the kind of nauseated desperation that normally is the fight to get through class.
Danny suggested to the class who felt fat and tired to start coming 4,5,6,7 times a week. You can do it once a week but it's gonna take five lifetimes to get the body you want. Danny said up the dosage and it will happen for you. I smiled to myself.
Maybe next month I'll start doing double classes, I felt today like that could have been a possibility.
I wonder how I'll feel when I wake up, and how I can recreate the feeling of success in this class. I drank water, took my electrolytes, MSM, and arnica and made my little snacks for tomorrow (I was very tempted to eat the orange I cut up!). I have a chiropractic appointment, then 11am yoga, lunch with my homeopath friend (who I'm gonna ask about these arnica balls I've been taking), and then hit up a library I hope to do a bit of prep for a gig I have coming up in Kamloops at the end of the month.
I thought this might keep me up all night, or put me right to sleep. I feel totally energized and zen, while still feeling like the second I close my eyes I'll be in dream land.
Here goes.
Who knows if it was the two days rest, the abundance of water and electrolytes over the weekend, or the hour and a half walk I took to get to yoga tonight -- I felt strong and grounded. Balanced. Bengal tiger.
In Prana Yama I decided to try and find a way to be nice to my neck and shoulder which is still bugging me, and keeping me up at night, and Danny took some extra time to explain the exercise to the two newbies right behind me, so I got started off with a great example and some wonderful focus. Was that the difference? I seemed connected to my breath all class -- like i could breathe through anything. Even both sets of balancing stick. Even both sets of Triangle!! I worked hard but never felt the kind of nauseated desperation that normally is the fight to get through class.
Danny suggested to the class who felt fat and tired to start coming 4,5,6,7 times a week. You can do it once a week but it's gonna take five lifetimes to get the body you want. Danny said up the dosage and it will happen for you. I smiled to myself.
Maybe next month I'll start doing double classes, I felt today like that could have been a possibility.
I wonder how I'll feel when I wake up, and how I can recreate the feeling of success in this class. I drank water, took my electrolytes, MSM, and arnica and made my little snacks for tomorrow (I was very tempted to eat the orange I cut up!). I have a chiropractic appointment, then 11am yoga, lunch with my homeopath friend (who I'm gonna ask about these arnica balls I've been taking), and then hit up a library I hope to do a bit of prep for a gig I have coming up in Kamloops at the end of the month.
I thought this might keep me up all night, or put me right to sleep. I feel totally energized and zen, while still feeling like the second I close my eyes I'll be in dream land.
Here goes.
Friday, March 4, 2011
I forgot to mention...
...I got into class, did my energy warm-up and then was visited by the space-invader exactly in the same spot from a few days before, while much of the rest of the room was still open. I kind of chuckled to myself, figured this must be "her" spot, and moved my mat.
Now that's what I call crowded
Now that's what I call crowded
Friday, Cry-day
I am so happy, so exhausted and so proud to say that I have completed the first week in my 90-day experiment.
I went to the 11am, which I was under good authority Andrea would be teaching (cause I asked her the day before when we took Gabe's class if she would be teaching again before leaving), and universe-on-my-side, she was.
I gave everything I had right from Pranayama, and really focused on opening my throat to get as full a pair of lungs as possible. Unfortunately for my desire to feel like an unstoppable warrior of peace, my "everything" petered out pretty darn quick, and I had thoughts that ranged from desperate to utter despair, as the mat seemed to be calling me to it more and more sweetly as class progressed.
Fatigue aside, I was pretty strong in my standing bow for maybe half the posture, and that felt good.
Other than that, I felt drained, weak (though not too wobbly), emotionally and physically exhausted -- I cried through a fair amount of the floor work -- and just utterly spent.
A special nod goes to Camel for my first ever dry-heaving in class.
I am sure I would have lied on my mat the whole class, and felt like a complete failure (in fairness, I was proud of myself for just getting in the room for the 5th time in a row), if it was not for the somehow simultaneously strong, gentle, motivating and zen voice of Andrea speaking on some different level to my body just making it go (maybe more on auto-pilot than I would have liked -- but moving and fighting nonetheless). There are some teachers that just do it for you. I think she has a voice and spirit that simply speaks to mine.
When I realized I had reached the end of the class and therefore the end of my first week -- that I had achieved my first goal, and thus that no goal is unreachable for me -- that I will make it through 90 days without giving up, or spontaneously dissolving -- I cried.
I cried in Savasana, I cried walking down the hall on wobbly legs, I cried in the shower.
Every time I thought of the meaning of this baby accomplishment, it was though all of my feelings of failure, weakness or inadequacy came rushing back. But were met head on with the undeniable truth that I can accomplish what I put my mind to. I am not as weak willed as I thought. I cried out of pride, and out of the new life I am working towards.
So what if I was weak and wanted to give up. I didn't give up, and that makes me strong.
<insert inspirational Shakti image here>
I went to the 11am, which I was under good authority Andrea would be teaching (cause I asked her the day before when we took Gabe's class if she would be teaching again before leaving), and universe-on-my-side, she was.
I gave everything I had right from Pranayama, and really focused on opening my throat to get as full a pair of lungs as possible. Unfortunately for my desire to feel like an unstoppable warrior of peace, my "everything" petered out pretty darn quick, and I had thoughts that ranged from desperate to utter despair, as the mat seemed to be calling me to it more and more sweetly as class progressed.
Fatigue aside, I was pretty strong in my standing bow for maybe half the posture, and that felt good.
Other than that, I felt drained, weak (though not too wobbly), emotionally and physically exhausted -- I cried through a fair amount of the floor work -- and just utterly spent.
A special nod goes to Camel for my first ever dry-heaving in class.
I am sure I would have lied on my mat the whole class, and felt like a complete failure (in fairness, I was proud of myself for just getting in the room for the 5th time in a row), if it was not for the somehow simultaneously strong, gentle, motivating and zen voice of Andrea speaking on some different level to my body just making it go (maybe more on auto-pilot than I would have liked -- but moving and fighting nonetheless). There are some teachers that just do it for you. I think she has a voice and spirit that simply speaks to mine.
When I realized I had reached the end of the class and therefore the end of my first week -- that I had achieved my first goal, and thus that no goal is unreachable for me -- that I will make it through 90 days without giving up, or spontaneously dissolving -- I cried.
I cried in Savasana, I cried walking down the hall on wobbly legs, I cried in the shower.
Every time I thought of the meaning of this baby accomplishment, it was though all of my feelings of failure, weakness or inadequacy came rushing back. But were met head on with the undeniable truth that I can accomplish what I put my mind to. I am not as weak willed as I thought. I cried out of pride, and out of the new life I am working towards.
So what if I was weak and wanted to give up. I didn't give up, and that makes me strong.
<insert inspirational Shakti image here>
Thursday, March 3, 2011
New Moon, Old Cramps
I did the 11 o'clock today, with Gabriel instructing (this is my second class with him), and I dig his style, his tips, and how he sneaks in pop culture references and song lyrics (a personal fave today was "The time to hesitate is through!...No time to wallow in the mind[sic]". Classic.)
As for myself, I felt dizzy even before class began. As I was doing my Energy Routine I recognized how off balance I was and did my best to try and remedy that. My next door neighbour (as far as mats go), was a relative newbie I met in the changeroom and she said she was having a lot of difficulty focusing. I said I was feeling dizzy, and wondered maybe I was picking up on her vibes or vice-versa because I had a heck of a time in Savasana quieting my mind and letting go.
My will was very strong today, but my body felt very weak. A few contributing factors I considered were -- another poor night's sleep, listening to headphones while cycling to yoga(that can probably throw your qi off, no?), not eating enough the previous day, general physical fatigue from my new yoga-life (I know it gets better), and the new moon draining me...( like a vampire??)
I know that last one sounds like a long stretch and maybe a bit esoteric for most people, but ever since I read my first Tom Robbins book in University, I have wanted to cycle with the moon (it's on my 100-things-to-do-before-I-die list!). I experience moderate to severe menstrual cramps EVERY MONTH since I was fourteen, and I don't think that it's healthy. I know that it's "normal" to have cramps, but I don't think everything is balanced if I am experiencing this kind of pain every 28 days. Or any. I have long searched for ways to be at peace with my cycle, I don't get especially moody-- sensitive, yes, a day or two before (like crying at long-distance phone carrier commercials kind of sensitive), but really the cramps are the worst of it. I am hoping the yoga helps to clear out some of whatever is making this unhappiness in my abdomen.
On my bike ride today I was already feeling sensitive, and actually cried a bit while listening to the album I had recently downloaded in order to prepare for a callback coming up at the end of the month. This wouldn't be so weird, as music often moves us -- especially when we block off other emotional avenues -- but the song that did is was around the two forty-five minute mark of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sPU3ymk2ms&feature=related
Hmm.
So my whole class was wobbly and weak but I had a few good moments -- Awkward II , though feeling its full namesake, actually cut me a break, and I managed to get up on my toes and then down in the...stool. I fight that one every time, and have always found it really challenging, which insults my ego cause I grew up dancing. I had a glorious moment and a half in Standing Bow Pulling, but was all over the place for the rest of the 58.5 "moments" of the posture. I tried to work really hard at Pranayama, I just couldn't sink my breath down -- so I'm getting good at filling up the top of my lungs really deeply, but haven't unlocked filling up from the bottom of my lungs yet. My whole class felt right up in my chest, which makes sense with the wobbles.
When I got to Dhanurasana today, I was aware of what I had written yesterday about this posture and I just cried. I cried right before, I cried when I heard "Dhanurasana" (that's not even my name!) and I cried as I held my feet and didn't kick. I didn't feel anything really, which seems odd, what I did feel was my throbbing stomach and tears coming. I gave it what I could the second time around but my muscles gave up for me right near the end.
It was a hard class, and although it did go quickly, it somehow managed to be never-ending at the same time. I couldn't clear my head in final Savasana, and was displeased by the frenetic energy of my mind, and the inability to sink into my lower body, while simultaneously feeling that part of me needed desperately to be fed by water, fuel, anything! I drank a ton out of class and had to sit a bit cause I was beat. I had some electrolytes and my little arnica balls, but no matter how much water I poured in, it only seemed to fill my chest up, nothing was getting to the throb or beyond.
On the way home I started to get some abdomen cramping, exactly like what I experience every month, only not so severe, and I bled a little. It's another two weeks til I'm due for another period, but as far as my body and the moon are concerned, my period should be starting today with the new moon.
It is just interesting to observe the body and see the possible connections -- whether or not they are in actuality related.
Tomorrow -- last day of my first full week. I told myself if I could complete one full week, I can make it through this experiment. One day at a time, one week at a time. Hopefully, Andrea is teaching tomorrow's class before she heads back to Toronto, so I can siphon her strength (and her collarbones from heaven!), to end the week on a strong class.
Regardless, nothing will stop me from achieving this first goal (no matter how small it seems!), and even though I felt really weak today, I am proud of the strength of will I have shown myself, and proud of my body for being present for the journey. I know there will be hard days -- there will be harder days than today, but I am prepared to allow myself to have hard days. It's a practice, after all.
The way out is the way through.
As for myself, I felt dizzy even before class began. As I was doing my Energy Routine I recognized how off balance I was and did my best to try and remedy that. My next door neighbour (as far as mats go), was a relative newbie I met in the changeroom and she said she was having a lot of difficulty focusing. I said I was feeling dizzy, and wondered maybe I was picking up on her vibes or vice-versa because I had a heck of a time in Savasana quieting my mind and letting go.
My will was very strong today, but my body felt very weak. A few contributing factors I considered were -- another poor night's sleep, listening to headphones while cycling to yoga(that can probably throw your qi off, no?), not eating enough the previous day, general physical fatigue from my new yoga-life (I know it gets better), and the new moon draining me...( like a vampire??)
I know that last one sounds like a long stretch and maybe a bit esoteric for most people, but ever since I read my first Tom Robbins book in University, I have wanted to cycle with the moon (it's on my 100-things-to-do-before-I-die list!). I experience moderate to severe menstrual cramps EVERY MONTH since I was fourteen, and I don't think that it's healthy. I know that it's "normal" to have cramps, but I don't think everything is balanced if I am experiencing this kind of pain every 28 days. Or any. I have long searched for ways to be at peace with my cycle, I don't get especially moody-- sensitive, yes, a day or two before (like crying at long-distance phone carrier commercials kind of sensitive), but really the cramps are the worst of it. I am hoping the yoga helps to clear out some of whatever is making this unhappiness in my abdomen.
On my bike ride today I was already feeling sensitive, and actually cried a bit while listening to the album I had recently downloaded in order to prepare for a callback coming up at the end of the month. This wouldn't be so weird, as music often moves us -- especially when we block off other emotional avenues -- but the song that did is was around the two forty-five minute mark of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sPU3ymk2ms&feature=related
Hmm.
So my whole class was wobbly and weak but I had a few good moments -- Awkward II , though feeling its full namesake, actually cut me a break, and I managed to get up on my toes and then down in the...stool. I fight that one every time, and have always found it really challenging, which insults my ego cause I grew up dancing. I had a glorious moment and a half in Standing Bow Pulling, but was all over the place for the rest of the 58.5 "moments" of the posture. I tried to work really hard at Pranayama, I just couldn't sink my breath down -- so I'm getting good at filling up the top of my lungs really deeply, but haven't unlocked filling up from the bottom of my lungs yet. My whole class felt right up in my chest, which makes sense with the wobbles.
When I got to Dhanurasana today, I was aware of what I had written yesterday about this posture and I just cried. I cried right before, I cried when I heard "Dhanurasana" (that's not even my name!) and I cried as I held my feet and didn't kick. I didn't feel anything really, which seems odd, what I did feel was my throbbing stomach and tears coming. I gave it what I could the second time around but my muscles gave up for me right near the end.
It was a hard class, and although it did go quickly, it somehow managed to be never-ending at the same time. I couldn't clear my head in final Savasana, and was displeased by the frenetic energy of my mind, and the inability to sink into my lower body, while simultaneously feeling that part of me needed desperately to be fed by water, fuel, anything! I drank a ton out of class and had to sit a bit cause I was beat. I had some electrolytes and my little arnica balls, but no matter how much water I poured in, it only seemed to fill my chest up, nothing was getting to the throb or beyond.
On the way home I started to get some abdomen cramping, exactly like what I experience every month, only not so severe, and I bled a little. It's another two weeks til I'm due for another period, but as far as my body and the moon are concerned, my period should be starting today with the new moon.
It is just interesting to observe the body and see the possible connections -- whether or not they are in actuality related.
Tomorrow -- last day of my first full week. I told myself if I could complete one full week, I can make it through this experiment. One day at a time, one week at a time. Hopefully, Andrea is teaching tomorrow's class before she heads back to Toronto, so I can siphon her strength (and her collarbones from heaven!), to end the week on a strong class.
Regardless, nothing will stop me from achieving this first goal (no matter how small it seems!), and even though I felt really weak today, I am proud of the strength of will I have shown myself, and proud of my body for being present for the journey. I know there will be hard days -- there will be harder days than today, but I am prepared to allow myself to have hard days. It's a practice, after all.
The way out is the way through.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
How to make a strong, flexible and beautiful goddess
So
Day Three started with a 4:50am wake up after a rough sleep with some weird dreams.
I fought myself hard about whether I should get up and face the cold, or be kind to myself and listen to my body's needs and stay in bed and rest til I HAD to get up at eight to go usher for a touring children's puppet theatre show(which was beautiful, and being an actor, it always feels good sitting in a dark theatre, whatever you're watching -- and if you've been away from it, all the better).
In order to face the guilt of not sticking to my word of 6am yoga, I got out of bed, opened the front door and stepped outside into the wind and rain and darkness, to tell myself and my spirit: I got up! I COULD do it if I wanted to. I choose to rest some more.
The puppet show was sweet, and great, and it was fun to see 3-5 year olds, since I don't really run into children much in my day to day life.
I got to Bikram, changed, and braided my hair, then stood on the seating in front of the lotus flower wall and did some poses.
In my 12 year old dance shorts and an old sports bra.
Yeah. C'mon!
Take my picture.
* I promise myself new yoga clothes by the end of the month once I've completed a few full weeks -- I even walked by a discount yoga clothes store on Broadway and Heather. *
I was given a beautiful turquoise towel (the colour of the outfit I picture myself wearing as I stand on my purple mat on my final day of this experiment --maybe a double class??--) , which I knew would serve me well as I headed into the hot room for the 12;45 class.
Space is an issue, and I had someone come uncomfortably close to me for the amount of available space that was in the classroom. I considered moving myself, but kind of felt like "I was in this space for a good 10 minutes!" (which is all ego), and partly like it would be insulting or I'd just get crowded by a more full room and feel silly that I tried to cheat the system and have more space.
I didn't move.
And I also tried to let it go. Sometimes more successfully than others.
Andrea, who was in from Toronto, was teaching the class, and was a strong and confident yogi, with a great way of instructing. I sat out a few, in an attempt to be nice with myself, but I killed it in Balancing Stick(Tuladandasana) when I discovered I could chant, "You are a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess" to myself as an alternative to hating the pain in my body, tensing my face and thinking swear words.
Later I turned it into "I am a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess", though I am sure I forgot it entirely in Bow.
Bow (Dhanurasana) is an interesting posture for me.
By this time I am totally sweaty, I feel like I just sprinted a mile and I am about to balance my body right on the Epicenter of Throb, my stomach, whilst bending backwards and kicking my legs (but keeping my knees only 6 inches apart and relaxing my straight arms). If you're not into yoga, though described as "two wheels in one base", Bow usually looks and feels to me more like a rubber egg, trying to hold up an invisible house, in a frying pan. And the egg is your body.
Well, my middle name is "Beau", and I have often gone by the name at various points in my life and for various reasons. Usually Beau speaks to my artistic side, and my sweet and gentle side. So to hear the sound "BO" attached to my squished egg always makes me want to try really hard to prove that "Beau" is not a squished egg.
BUT A STRONG, FLEXIBLE, AND BEAUTIFUL GODDESS
I knew that was the worst of it, though I can feel some sensitivity start to arise in Camel, and Rabbit and I consoled myself that it would all be over soon.
Finally, I haven't quite caught up to the quick breath in Khapalbhati, but I know that comes. My stomach was so full of water (sweet, cold, necessary water!) by then that I got a bit of a cramp.
I take my sweet time in Savasana, letting go of anything I can, and coming back into my body from however deep I've been.
I left the room so grounded, and slow moving.
I felt like a mountain range and like I wanted to be low, and slow, and flow... but mostly low.
I showered and dressed, and headed a few blocks up to check out a room in a home which turned out to be excellent, and which I hope to be living in come April.
The sun was shining and it was warm.
By the time I got home it was raining/hailing, the wind was picking up for the coming storm and it was getting dark.
The New Moon tomorrow and I am looking for its renewal.
Day Three started with a 4:50am wake up after a rough sleep with some weird dreams.
I fought myself hard about whether I should get up and face the cold, or be kind to myself and listen to my body's needs and stay in bed and rest til I HAD to get up at eight to go usher for a touring children's puppet theatre show(which was beautiful, and being an actor, it always feels good sitting in a dark theatre, whatever you're watching -- and if you've been away from it, all the better).
In order to face the guilt of not sticking to my word of 6am yoga, I got out of bed, opened the front door and stepped outside into the wind and rain and darkness, to tell myself and my spirit: I got up! I COULD do it if I wanted to. I choose to rest some more.
The puppet show was sweet, and great, and it was fun to see 3-5 year olds, since I don't really run into children much in my day to day life.
I got to Bikram, changed, and braided my hair, then stood on the seating in front of the lotus flower wall and did some poses.
In my 12 year old dance shorts and an old sports bra.
Yeah. C'mon!
Take my picture.
* I promise myself new yoga clothes by the end of the month once I've completed a few full weeks -- I even walked by a discount yoga clothes store on Broadway and Heather. *
I was given a beautiful turquoise towel (the colour of the outfit I picture myself wearing as I stand on my purple mat on my final day of this experiment --maybe a double class??--) , which I knew would serve me well as I headed into the hot room for the 12;45 class.
Space is an issue, and I had someone come uncomfortably close to me for the amount of available space that was in the classroom. I considered moving myself, but kind of felt like "I was in this space for a good 10 minutes!" (which is all ego), and partly like it would be insulting or I'd just get crowded by a more full room and feel silly that I tried to cheat the system and have more space.
I didn't move.
And I also tried to let it go. Sometimes more successfully than others.
Andrea, who was in from Toronto, was teaching the class, and was a strong and confident yogi, with a great way of instructing. I sat out a few, in an attempt to be nice with myself, but I killed it in Balancing Stick(Tuladandasana) when I discovered I could chant, "You are a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess" to myself as an alternative to hating the pain in my body, tensing my face and thinking swear words.
Later I turned it into "I am a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess", though I am sure I forgot it entirely in Bow.
Bow (Dhanurasana) is an interesting posture for me.
By this time I am totally sweaty, I feel like I just sprinted a mile and I am about to balance my body right on the Epicenter of Throb, my stomach, whilst bending backwards and kicking my legs (but keeping my knees only 6 inches apart and relaxing my straight arms). If you're not into yoga, though described as "two wheels in one base", Bow usually looks and feels to me more like a rubber egg, trying to hold up an invisible house, in a frying pan. And the egg is your body.
Well, my middle name is "Beau", and I have often gone by the name at various points in my life and for various reasons. Usually Beau speaks to my artistic side, and my sweet and gentle side. So to hear the sound "BO" attached to my squished egg always makes me want to try really hard to prove that "Beau" is not a squished egg.
BUT A STRONG, FLEXIBLE, AND BEAUTIFUL GODDESS
I knew that was the worst of it, though I can feel some sensitivity start to arise in Camel, and Rabbit and I consoled myself that it would all be over soon.
Finally, I haven't quite caught up to the quick breath in Khapalbhati, but I know that comes. My stomach was so full of water (sweet, cold, necessary water!) by then that I got a bit of a cramp.
I take my sweet time in Savasana, letting go of anything I can, and coming back into my body from however deep I've been.
I left the room so grounded, and slow moving.
I felt like a mountain range and like I wanted to be low, and slow, and flow... but mostly low.
I showered and dressed, and headed a few blocks up to check out a room in a home which turned out to be excellent, and which I hope to be living in come April.
The sun was shining and it was warm.
By the time I got home it was raining/hailing, the wind was picking up for the coming storm and it was getting dark.
The New Moon tomorrow and I am looking for its renewal.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day Two Blue
Today, I am very fortunate.
Not as fortunate as someone who can freely move her neck without pain, but fortunate.
Today, I am fortunate because I knew this was coming.
I have done just enough Bikram in my life to know that if you've been away for a while the first day back is "easy" (hahaha!), and the next day back is impossibly difficult.
Yesterday, I biked the half hour from my residence to the Kitsilano Bikram studio to attend my first class in the 90-day Yoga Experiment. I felt pumped. I was on my bike at three with the distinct and uplifting feeling that I was starting a new chapter in life. A chapter where I become a real adult who is responsible for herself, and responsible for working for, and acheiving her goals.
Of course, at 4:15, the class was packed. Having only practiced Bikram in Kamloops, I was used to a whole different set up, a whole different hot room, and a whole different vibe.
Regardless, I left everything I had at the door, as per the instructor's script, I killed myself for 90 minutes. If there was anything left that I hadn't abandoned before stepping into the room, I left that in the mat in final Savasana. I was wiped, but aglow. Exhausted but energized.
I had been to the gas station and the gas station gave me fuel, but not until after it kicked my ass.
I had my shower. Met a lady named Jackie (I hope that's right), and chatted a bit with Julie, who is also undertaking this Yoga Experiment. Then I got on my bike, bought the first book in Donna Eden's Energy medicine "series" (I already have the second called Energy Medicine for Women, and it's turning my world upside down), and rode the rest of the way home, chilled but satisfied.
This morning, the alarm went off at 4:50am.
I rose, pulled on the clothes I had set out for myself the previous night, shoved my little snack and my water bottle in my panier, and headed off into the night to experience the difference of a 6am class. (Back in Kamloops I really liked the 6am, it was usually a smaller class, and since everyone has just woken up, the energy in the room is dramatically different, calmer, and people seem to focus inward more than wanting to chat in the hot room)
I knew this would be hard.
I got in the hot room, did my 5-minute daily energy routine to wake up my energy flow, get everything moving, and get my intentions in the right place for what I was about to face.
I told myself I would be nice but right away, Pranayama had it out for me. The second I went to exhale and relax my head back, my back, neck, and shoulders (who I'll admit reached some new heights the previous day), shouted a very distinctive NO at me.
What do you mean, No!?, I said to my neck, Everyone else is doing it. Just relax and I won't have to force you!
So my neck went along with it, whether or not it wanted to, and somewhere between forcibly relaxing, and protecting. Now that I write it, it doesn't seem very supportive on my end. And I probably should have listened to my neck. I just thought once it got moving it would chill out.
As always, Awkward II is a special gem in my life, and Day Two Yoga Legs mixed with Day Two Cycling Again Legs are not the tree trunks I dream of at night.
I have tried to make myself not hate Standing Head to Knee by thanking my locking, unlocking, locking again, unlocking, locking knee for holding me up, for keeping me strong, and for carrying me where I need to go. When I get to L like Linda, that'll be a great day to celebrate!
Sat out the second half of Balancing Stick, and of Triangle (my nemesis), and why is it that having a choked throat is such a disgusting, and desperate feeling? I guess the description says it all.
Some new surprises were Camel (which I always call Mule), being especially unpleasant when normally it is actually pretty enjoyable, and Rabbit, starting to make sense (though not as much as yesterday when I feel like I pulled my shoulder blades off my back for the first time).
The class seemed to go by quickly enough, and that pleased me.
When I finished, I tried to eat a little of my snack but felt like neither my stomach nor I was ready for food. Then, dragging my heavy feet outside and unlocking my bike, I did myself the sweetness and gentleness of allowing myself to haul my bike onto the bus rack and take the bus home.
A quick good morning with my housemate on her way to Uni. 4 little arnica balls, and I was out like a light. My neck was not a fan.
I woke up maybe an hour ago, took another round of Arnica and am sitting now with an ice pack at the meeting place of my neck and shoulders. I have to work in two hours Banquet Serving. Let's see how that goes.
Stay tuned --tomorrow-- Bikram, then ushering a children's show!
Not as fortunate as someone who can freely move her neck without pain, but fortunate.
Today, I am fortunate because I knew this was coming.
I have done just enough Bikram in my life to know that if you've been away for a while the first day back is "easy" (hahaha!), and the next day back is impossibly difficult.
Yesterday, I biked the half hour from my residence to the Kitsilano Bikram studio to attend my first class in the 90-day Yoga Experiment. I felt pumped. I was on my bike at three with the distinct and uplifting feeling that I was starting a new chapter in life. A chapter where I become a real adult who is responsible for herself, and responsible for working for, and acheiving her goals.
Of course, at 4:15, the class was packed. Having only practiced Bikram in Kamloops, I was used to a whole different set up, a whole different hot room, and a whole different vibe.
Regardless, I left everything I had at the door, as per the instructor's script, I killed myself for 90 minutes. If there was anything left that I hadn't abandoned before stepping into the room, I left that in the mat in final Savasana. I was wiped, but aglow. Exhausted but energized.
I had been to the gas station and the gas station gave me fuel, but not until after it kicked my ass.
I had my shower. Met a lady named Jackie (I hope that's right), and chatted a bit with Julie, who is also undertaking this Yoga Experiment. Then I got on my bike, bought the first book in Donna Eden's Energy medicine "series" (I already have the second called Energy Medicine for Women, and it's turning my world upside down), and rode the rest of the way home, chilled but satisfied.
This morning, the alarm went off at 4:50am.
I rose, pulled on the clothes I had set out for myself the previous night, shoved my little snack and my water bottle in my panier, and headed off into the night to experience the difference of a 6am class. (Back in Kamloops I really liked the 6am, it was usually a smaller class, and since everyone has just woken up, the energy in the room is dramatically different, calmer, and people seem to focus inward more than wanting to chat in the hot room)
I knew this would be hard.
I got in the hot room, did my 5-minute daily energy routine to wake up my energy flow, get everything moving, and get my intentions in the right place for what I was about to face.
I told myself I would be nice but right away, Pranayama had it out for me. The second I went to exhale and relax my head back, my back, neck, and shoulders (who I'll admit reached some new heights the previous day), shouted a very distinctive NO at me.
What do you mean, No!?, I said to my neck, Everyone else is doing it. Just relax and I won't have to force you!
So my neck went along with it, whether or not it wanted to, and somewhere between forcibly relaxing, and protecting. Now that I write it, it doesn't seem very supportive on my end. And I probably should have listened to my neck. I just thought once it got moving it would chill out.
As always, Awkward II is a special gem in my life, and Day Two Yoga Legs mixed with Day Two Cycling Again Legs are not the tree trunks I dream of at night.
I have tried to make myself not hate Standing Head to Knee by thanking my locking, unlocking, locking again, unlocking, locking knee for holding me up, for keeping me strong, and for carrying me where I need to go. When I get to L like Linda, that'll be a great day to celebrate!
Sat out the second half of Balancing Stick, and of Triangle (my nemesis), and why is it that having a choked throat is such a disgusting, and desperate feeling? I guess the description says it all.
Some new surprises were Camel (which I always call Mule), being especially unpleasant when normally it is actually pretty enjoyable, and Rabbit, starting to make sense (though not as much as yesterday when I feel like I pulled my shoulder blades off my back for the first time).
The class seemed to go by quickly enough, and that pleased me.
When I finished, I tried to eat a little of my snack but felt like neither my stomach nor I was ready for food. Then, dragging my heavy feet outside and unlocking my bike, I did myself the sweetness and gentleness of allowing myself to haul my bike onto the bus rack and take the bus home.
A quick good morning with my housemate on her way to Uni. 4 little arnica balls, and I was out like a light. My neck was not a fan.
I woke up maybe an hour ago, took another round of Arnica and am sitting now with an ice pack at the meeting place of my neck and shoulders. I have to work in two hours Banquet Serving. Let's see how that goes.
Stay tuned --tomorrow-- Bikram, then ushering a children's show!
Monday, February 28, 2011
First Rites-- a prayer to Lord Ganesha
Lord of New Beginnings!
Today I begin to journey on a new path, where I actively worship the goddess within me.
Guide me to buddhi, you who are Om!
-s
A new adventure begins
A promise to myself, to my past, to my future, and to now
Sixty-Five ninety-minute Bikram Yoga classes in the next ninety days
5,850 minutes I devote entirely to growing into myself in the next three months
Sitting in front of a seated Ganesh hanging on the wall, beautiful eyes looking out, I inhale
Today, I can handle my feelings of inadequacy
Today, I can overcome fear, and strive for enlightenment
Today, I am all that I need
I am enough.
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