Day Three started with a 4:50am wake up after a rough sleep with some weird dreams.
I fought myself hard about whether I should get up and face the cold, or be kind to myself and listen to my body's needs and stay in bed and rest til I HAD to get up at eight to go usher for a touring children's puppet theatre show(which was beautiful, and being an actor, it always feels good sitting in a dark theatre, whatever you're watching -- and if you've been away from it, all the better).
In order to face the guilt of not sticking to my word of 6am yoga, I got out of bed, opened the front door and stepped outside into the wind and rain and darkness, to tell myself and my spirit: I got up! I COULD do it if I wanted to. I choose to rest some more.
The puppet show was sweet, and great, and it was fun to see 3-5 year olds, since I don't really run into children much in my day to day life.
I got to Bikram, changed, and braided my hair, then stood on the seating in front of the lotus flower wall and did some poses.
In my 12 year old dance shorts and an old sports bra.
Yeah. C'mon!
Take my picture.
* I promise myself new yoga clothes by the end of the month once I've completed a few full weeks -- I even walked by a discount yoga clothes store on Broadway and Heather. *
I was given a beautiful turquoise towel (the colour of the outfit I picture myself wearing as I stand on my purple mat on my final day of this experiment --maybe a double class??--) , which I knew would serve me well as I headed into the hot room for the 12;45 class.
Space is an issue, and I had someone come uncomfortably close to me for the amount of available space that was in the classroom. I considered moving myself, but kind of felt like "I was in this space for a good 10 minutes!" (which is all ego), and partly like it would be insulting or I'd just get crowded by a more full room and feel silly that I tried to cheat the system and have more space.
I didn't move.
And I also tried to let it go. Sometimes more successfully than others.
Andrea, who was in from Toronto, was teaching the class, and was a strong and confident yogi, with a great way of instructing. I sat out a few, in an attempt to be nice with myself, but I killed it in Balancing Stick(Tuladandasana) when I discovered I could chant, "You are a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess" to myself as an alternative to hating the pain in my body, tensing my face and thinking swear words.
Later I turned it into "I am a strong, flexible, and beautiful goddess", though I am sure I forgot it entirely in Bow.
Bow (Dhanurasana) is an interesting posture for me.
By this time I am totally sweaty, I feel like I just sprinted a mile and I am about to balance my body right on the Epicenter of Throb, my stomach, whilst bending backwards and kicking my legs (but keeping my knees only 6 inches apart and relaxing my straight arms). If you're not into yoga, though described as "two wheels in one base", Bow usually looks and feels to me more like a rubber egg, trying to hold up an invisible house, in a frying pan. And the egg is your body.
Well, my middle name is "Beau", and I have often gone by the name at various points in my life and for various reasons. Usually Beau speaks to my artistic side, and my sweet and gentle side. So to hear the sound "BO" attached to my squished egg always makes me want to try really hard to prove that "Beau" is not a squished egg.
BUT A STRONG, FLEXIBLE, AND BEAUTIFUL GODDESS
I knew that was the worst of it, though I can feel some sensitivity start to arise in Camel, and Rabbit and I consoled myself that it would all be over soon.
Finally, I haven't quite caught up to the quick breath in Khapalbhati, but I know that comes. My stomach was so full of water (sweet, cold, necessary water!) by then that I got a bit of a cramp.
I take my sweet time in Savasana, letting go of anything I can, and coming back into my body from however deep I've been.
I left the room so grounded, and slow moving.
I felt like a mountain range and like I wanted to be low, and slow, and flow... but mostly low.
I showered and dressed, and headed a few blocks up to check out a room in a home which turned out to be excellent, and which I hope to be living in come April.
The sun was shining and it was warm.
By the time I got home it was raining/hailing, the wind was picking up for the coming storm and it was getting dark.
The New Moon tomorrow and I am looking for its renewal.
No comments:
Post a Comment