Start from scratch...

I am back in Vancouver at the Kitsilano studio again and did the 7:45 last night with Jacob. He was great and his voice and deliberate instruction may have been the key to keeping me in the room. Since last week I am feeling totally drained and under the weather. My throat is sore with a permanent tickle, the occasional cough, sneezes here and there and just general weakness with no energy. Bengal tiger has left the building.
My sweetheart told me to be kind to myself -- just go in and commit to the two breathing exercises which I knew was impossible, to ONLY do that, but which got me into a room I otherwise wanted to avoid like the plague.
I killed it until the watt break and then hit a wall-- hard. I had to sit out a lot and I just cried straight through spine strengthening. I was tired, nothing felt good. Mommy waaaah!
Today, I had to do the 6am since I was scheduled to work at 11. I guess I was nicer to myself, I did even less but still, by the end there were times when I didn't even want to be in my skin and felt like shaking violently until I was no longer trapped inside would be the most satisfying. I made it through, didn't shower after for the first time ever, called in sick and slept for the next 5 hours. My body still aches, my skin feels electric in a sunburn sort of way, but I would have been so miserable trying to serve and bus dishes, move tables and be pleasant.
Today concluded day 30-- 1/3 through my challenge. I was hoping for a strong motivating and beautiful practice today, instead i am reminded why this is w journey. And an experiment. Ha.